we’re 4 days in and look where we are, about to get locked up again! 2021 will still be my year, it has to be better than 2020 surely. it just has to be! even better than 2019 for that matter too. 3rd time lucky right? any new years resolutions i ask myself? stop swearing and fuck em all. oh for bollocking cunting fuck!
2020 was a big meaty slab of 2nd degree rare roast foot for me, with a side of broken flamingo leg and a hint of a little something called coronavirrrrus. 2019 saw me get my heart broken twice in a single summer, i mean c’mon! it’s better to love and lose, than never love at all as they say. even if you lose it to your old, bald, bucktooth neighbour or an ex’s weird man child best mate. 2021 has to be better, it just has to be!
i did try ketamine for the 1st time though (in hospital, but still) and i k-holed myself into thinking i was a literal human boomerang. don’t ask! i must say, it was the next best high after accidentally concocting sizzurp inside of me and smoking a 10 bag on a warm night in june. sorry grandad, please don’t google any of this me old son. i was just trying to live my best life! i spoke in an irish accent for a whole hour that night, ask lizzielizard102 on tiktok. unbelievable! how many of you read that last word in an irish accent?
It’s been awhile since i last dropped a banger and no i’m not talking about the fact i haven’t shat a megalodon shit for 3 days, despite the copious amounts of cashew nuts ingested left over from christmas. i’m talking about a twodoughnuts classic bitch slap to bloggers everywhere and proving to all ya’ll that i never fucking left!
but in all seriousness 2021 will probably be just as shit as the rest of them, we’re all fucked and we’re all going to die! #makeherdimmunitygreatagain #notothevaccine #thearthisflat #epsteinisinnocent